We’re Full Mom – a Guest Blog by Amy’s Sisters

Hi Mom! I’m sure you’ve heard many of the stories by now…and seen some pics on Facebook…but here is the entire, detailed tale of Sally’s 50th birthday adventure in Paris. John and I are in London now (still trying to recover). Enjoy!

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BY SALLY & LAURIE, WFM GUEST BLOGGERS, PARIS, FRANCE

Too Much Foie Gras? Too Much Vin Rouge? Too Much Pastry? Too Much Fromage? Too Much Duck? Alors, Too Little Paris!!!

Hello loyal followers of “WereFineMom”! The (slightly) older sisters finally found time to leave the USA and visit the world-traveling Amy and John in spectacular Paris. We had grand illusions of hitting places like the Musee d’Orsay, the Centre Pompidou and Hermes. While we achieved none of these traditional Parisian things, we did manage to have a superb time with the crew of Sally the birthday girl, Andy the enfant terrible, Laurie the Metro commandant, John-Yves of the gingham rouge and Aimee the fabulous! As those of you who have been to Paris know, that city is incapable of taking a bad picture. It is absolutely gorgeous – rain, shine, night or day. So are the damn Parisians, by the way – even the sanitation workers wear red lipstick! So, instead of boring you with incessant shots of iconic views, we thought we’d intersperse some original depictions of our trip just to keep you entertained as you near the end of Amy and John’s adventures. Here goes!

Wednesday

First off, we used airbnb.com to find a smashing little apartment in the 14th arrondissement. It was absolutely perfect…well with a few minor exceptions which will be noted later. Three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a great living area, washing machine (no dryer), nice kitchen…all the trappings (well, sort of). We were steps away from the Metro, half a block from the boulangerie, 1 block to the supermarche, and just a tad longer to the most generous fromagerie known to man. We arrived with predictions of dreary days every day but only on our arrival did we experience the rain. The Parisian sun smiled upon us virtually every day, but no matter how warm it got we refused to remove our scarves! Oh, and by the way, we thought Sally had shrunk with age but determined that Laurie is probably still growing.

We did have a slow start as we had to find some things to do before our host Frederic arrived with the necessities. These included insufficient toilet paper and moist bath towels. But more about that later. We left our luggage in his lobby (!) and roamed the streets in search of a good cup of coffee (found in ten seconds) and a good cup of tea for Sally – not so easy. She first got offered green tea and then black tea with some odd fruit flavor. This was CERTAINLY not a reflection on her accent. Also, we were unable to figure out the WiFi (pronounced Wee-Fee) password at the cafe even though several people told us the word about 7 times. Again, this was NOT a statement on our French. We are very conversant. Sally clearly stated “Je suis stupide” and finally the waiter simply typed it into her phone.

Back to our host Frederic. He was charming and also a doctor. He informed us to contact him with any medical emergency (you know what all that cheese can do to your system!) and advised us not to use the local hospital if we needed assistance. He did provide us with recently washed bath towels which, unbeknownst to us he put into the closet wet. Later Andy discovered the problem and we did what Parisians do – hung them to dry. We were very cautious about hanging them on Frederic’s fine furniture so we investigated other spots. Note to self, do not hang moist laundry on things in the hallway that turn out to be lighting fixtures:

After Amy doused a flaming towel in the kitchen sink, we thought it important to celebrate with some cheese and wine. So we sisters went off on a walk to find the local cheesemonger. We thought we might have trouble on our second foray into French-dom but we found the most delightful shop and the charming Fromagerie Didot. What we were most fascinated by was the size of the cheese tastes he was willing to offer us. We later learned (when we took our semester – I mean class – on cheese that shop owners do want to make sure their cheese is sold at the exact maturity so perhaps he was simply an expert making sure to offer us the perfect ripeness!

Speaking of ripeness, it was now about time for many of us to shower up in prep for dinner and to get that potential airplane Ebola off us. One feature which made us choose Frederic’s spot was the fact that it had two actual showers. As it turned out, one of them had some issues. It had one of those lovely rain shower heads up top and an additional handheld piece to help with rinsing. Seemed like a great option when the other shower only had a handheld. Unfortunately the rain showerhead delivered only very hot water and the handheld only cold:

Alors, we perservered! That evening we saved enough room in our bellies to tackle a local dinner. At 8 o’clock we were the first and loudest to arrive. As you do. Despite the empty tables, the waiter/host/donkey (Pierre-Francois) was not exactly warm and inviting. What is the opposite of attraction? Andy and Pierre-Francois had that – a non-magnetic distaste for one another right away. Opposites detract. Despite the fact that Laurie ordered the bottle of wine for us to drink, PF decided that Andy should taste it. Andy deliberately swilled the taste of wine with an American flourish in a large swift gulp and determined it “Fine.” Game on. They danced around each other for the the entire meal which culminated in something like this:

Ando 1, French 0 (much more interesting than a soccer match)

Thursday

The youthful birthday sister had arranged for us to meet a “Paris Greeter” on the morning of our first full day. After stuffing ourselves with pastry from the local patisserie/boulangerie…

…we trekked off to the Metro to meet up with our guide. That pastry sketch is an abomination because every darn pastry in Paris is a work of art worthy of the Louvre. But just deal with it. Anyhoo, we all sported our comfy yet fashionable shoes and set off. I believe we took about three different metros that morning. It’s hard to keep track in a city where each metro is about 1.5 miles long. I guess we could convert that to kilometers but we are so over that. Not doing it. Suffice it to say it takes 3-5 different metro lines to get anywhere. We covered a lot of metros. But fortunately we took the right staircase over by the Bois de Boulogne and met the lovely Christine:

She is a retired cosmetics executive who was well-traveled, more than articulate in English and (regrettably) a Nordic hiker! Mon Dieu that woman put us through the paces. Apparently Sally had told her a few lies. One – we are interested in architecture. Two – we are sportif. After too many beautiful homes lived in by Edith Piaf, Brigitte Bardot and countless French people you have NEVER heard of Laurie finally had to announce that she had come to Paris to sit her butt down on a proper chair for a proper lunch with a proper glass of wine. About an hour later she did get her wish. Some steak, some frites, some salade and we were instantly revived. Whew! After leaving Christine to her next 4 hour power walk we took the metro to the Tour Eiffel. The sun was shining brightly and we took a break on the grass by the cannons. We stayed til they shot about 8 trillion gallons (2 liters, I think) of water, so we had to go lest we ruin our hair.

We decided to muscle through the day before taking 8 metro lines back to the 14th. So we strolled to Rue Cler – probably the most charming street in Paris. We have tons of pix of vegetables, shellfish, mushrooms and other epicurean delights you can buy there. But we took the opportunity to relax at a cafe and take in the sunset. Glorious.

Apres cafe we strolled to an epicerie where Ando came to life. The shops there truly specialize and because of that the products are top notch. This store had the most OCD arranged bins of spices one could ever imagine. Andy was literally lifting the lids off of the tamarind and curry bins and sticking his nose in to test the merchandise. This was the first time the merchant was impressed rather than offended – I think they enjoy it when you truly appreciate specialization and quality. So fantastique!

Hunger pangs dragged us to the Cafe Constant – a spot our b-day girl had enjoyed before. It’s apparently in all of the Asian guidebooks because the bar and outdoor areas were bustling with visitors. Nonetheless Sally dragged her 95 lbs and 5 feet of power up to the hostess and secured a table for a bit later. The wait (alleviated by bubbly) was worth it. Traditional and tasty dishes sent us home to the 14th satisfied. Walking briskly from metro to metro to metro on the way certainly peeled off those calories:

Friday

Much to Amy and John’s chagrin, we had scheduled another early morning. Shockingly, our world travelers often sleep til nine and take days off. Off to Versailles! Only two metro transfers and a regional rail/metro north-type train later we arrive at the home of the Sun King. We are all (especially John) fans and followers of the Europe travel expert Rick Steves. Rick said to exit train and follow the crowds to the entrance.

Versailles is spectacular and the hall of mirrors was a highlight once there was a lull in the mass of Chinese tourists taking selfies. According to the European Federation of Chinese Tourism, Paris is the No. 1 destination in Europe for China’s burgeoning middle class and growing legion of millionaires, Another surprise! http://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/21/world/europe/chinese-tourists-are-disillusioned-after-visiting-paris.html?_r=0

After a rejuvenating coffee/wine/beer it was back on the train/metro to our 3:30 Cheese and Wine Workshop. Workshop was the correct word, this was no mere tasting. This was a solid college level course in the back of a Japanese knife shop on the naming, terroir, production, aging, etc., etc. of cheese. For wine and cheese lovers like us, it was Nirvana. And some of the cheeses really did taste like teen spirit. Our Professor Meg could not have been nicer and more knowledgeable.

We learned many things about cheese. For example, you may not be aware that “Hung Meat” and “Rancid Nut Oil” are valid ways to describe cheese. Also, you may not be aware that Spider Mites are effective for reducing harmful bacteria on your cheese. Perhaps this explains why we can’t get the “good” French cheeses by the FDA. For wine-people, you will be glad to know that several of the funky, hip wines of the Jura were featured in the seminar. We urge you to check out http://www.parisbymouth.com when you are planning your next trip to Paris! We showed our appreciation to Meg and the knife shop by pilfering a few of rolls of toilet paper as we were running low at Frederic’s.

Armed with our PhD in fromage and Meg’s suggestion for a happening bar, we were off to Le Baron Rouge for wine from a cask and drinking in the street. While the tiny bar was charming, it did not have a proper toilet. Luckily Amy was proficient in reliving herself in the hole in the floor thanks to her experience in Southeast Asia. There was another bar visited, some frites eaten, drunken facebooking thanks to free Wee Fee with an easy password, and a stumble home (via 4 metro lines). All and all an excellent 50th birthday.

Saturday

The rest of the crew learned their lesson and we slept in. Sally, now a regular at the patisserie, picked up the morning goodies and we showered up. While we had many things on our itinerary, we chose to attend the Fête des Vendanges de Montmartre, which is a harvest festival with over 100 food and wine stalls. In the blink of an eye Laurie and Andy had a glass of champagne in one hand and a baguette stuffed with Foie Gras in another. Sally and Amy were over at the Brouilly tent jamming to the BeeGees. John was searching for beer (according to Andy). This festival takes place right at the beautiful and imposing Sacre Coeur from where you can see all of Paris. We enjoyed various sights and treats on a fantastic autumn day. Before we left Laurie & Andy bought a giant tower of canned foie gras, Amy & John, not do be outdone, purchased the deluxe set. Parisian problems – we had not enjoyed any escargots yet! Laurie and Andy made a mad dash through the ample crowd using refined New York techniques and were able to secure a plate of 12 garlicky delights just in time to depart. After a quick stop at a cafe (because you need a glass of wine after attending a wine festival) it was home to prepare for our final night out!

The plan was to get dolled up and metro (2 transfers) over the George V Four Seasons hotel for a pre-dinner drink. John looked dapper in his crisp blue blazer, red Euro pants and the flat, packing, dress shoes…or dress black flat packing shoes….or something like that. Amy was griping about her $20 Old Navy dress when we reminded her that she had dressed it up with her $500 Gucci shoes. “But they’re flats!” she exclaimed. Speaking of shoes, Laurie had finally changed out of her overly comfy Skechers and finally her silk track pants look a tad more fabulous. Here’s a pic of her and John’s odd shoes:

We arrive at the George V and the paparazzi was lined up outside. No, it wasn’t for Sally’s birthday – friggin Arnold Schwarzenegger was staying there. Anyhoo, he screwed up the plan because we could not get in to the bar! However, we did see our new friends from the cheese class (guess everyone but us stays at the Georges V!) AND, the most wonderful surprise guests…our dear old friends Frank, Julie and Bethany who took the train from London to Paris for the weekend!!! Screw you paparazzi! We knew everyone who was anyone in the George V. We marched our stilettos and fat black buckle marching shoes and Gucci flats right next door to the Prince de Galles to toast to birthdays and good friends. Le Prince de Galles had a snazzy bar, a DJ and some rockin cocktails. Julie got a mojito that was oddly served in a heavy stout tea pot. The waitress attempted to pour the drink, spilled it and advised that the spout was clogged with basil and Julie should just wait for the ice to melt some. Andy, Laurie and Frank ordered something called a corpse reviver, and Bethany took the prize with “The Secret” served with a side of champagne and some iced fruit. Wait til the Chinese discover this place!

After drinking and mopping up drinks, we headed off to a to a fantastic dinner at Maceo. Thankfully, Andy got on well with our servers and the food was delicious. Another stumble home, a listen to a few good songs on the French radio station Nostalgique, an attempt to polish off the wine and off to bed. With the following songs stuck in our heads (and hopefully now in yours!) “What’s Going On” and “Hey Big Spender”, we hit the sack.

Sunday

The whirlwind ends with a last stop at the patisserie and goodbyes to Amy and John. The final pastry was filled with what Amy described as “cookie dough.” A great note on which to leave! We used our last bits of French on the charming taxi driver and headed to the airport. We used our last Euros on small bottles of wine and delicious mini-baguette sandwiches to smuggle onto the plane so we could avoid re-Americanization via crappy airline food. Landed safely in Newark (the opposite of the City of Lights) and jumped in our “spacetube” to Bradley Beach.

(EDITOR’S NOTE: I thought you might enjoy seeing some actual photos to compare to Sal & La’s descriptions/sketches above…)